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ontd_footballPepe - The great, huge land rover that performs amazingly and has plenty of spare gas and tires for everyone
Degen - The free car that just gets beeped at loudly by the other cars.
Glen - The car that appears to be basic and just a simple, reliable drive but actually it's fast as fuck and very flashy.
Aurelio - The free car that has driven far better than expected but breaks down too often now and is probably going to be given away in the summer.
Insua - The compact, small car which was swapped for a long, shitty car and has become pretty boss. With further driving and customisation it could become a very reliable car for years to come.
Our centre backs - The cars Carra and Skrtel had a crash. Carra, the old and already damaged car should be written off. Skrtel, the promising and hard as fuck car can be repaired and improve on what it already was, a very good drive. The Greek is the rental car that is surprising everyone and could become a rental car for longer than expected. Agger is the more flashy car that has been improving steadily over the years. It breaks down too often now and needs way too many visits to the garage but hopefully that can be stopped so the car can become an amazing drive.
Lucas - The reliable car that does the needed drives without many faults or mistakes. Very unappreciated by lots of other cars and drivers, even those that are part of the same garage.
Masch - The appearance of this car could fool some but it actually has a very loud horn and engine. It stops other cars driving at the same time as being an amazing drive itself. It's a very valuable car. Others don't want to get in a crash with this one.
Stevie - The amazing, great, sensational car that has flat tires, possibly punctured. It can't even be bothered to try to pump them up.
Aquilani - The expensive new car that was bought with a damaged engine. The driver is scared to take it out for too many spins in case it breaks down on the motorway.
Dirk - The car that seems to be running on full gas 99% of the time. Even during that other 1%, it drives like most other cars do on full gas.
Maxi - The new free car that was given to the driver by a friend. It has been driven a lot since it arrived and has been improving, the driver is working out how to make it run at it's best.
Babel - The car that can't be bothered to start it's engine even when the key is in and the pedal is down. It flashes it's lights sometimes but that's it.
Riera - The car that goes missing from your driveway for 3 months at a time then comes back for a month, only to disappear again. Not even the driver knows where it goes.
Yossi - The classy car that can be used on many sorts of drives, especially those with lots of turns. Very underrated by cars and drivers at different garages.
N'gog - A cheap car that has been customised and added to very successfully. It has become a promising car and with further customisation it could become a boss drive.
Nando - A great, amazing, sensational and beautiful car that gets it's windows smashed, starts driving again after being fixed but with cracks still in the windows, even then it is great, amazing, sensational and beautiful, then the windows are smashed again. Repeat roughly 7 times a year, it usually happens when around other Spanish cars.
VDS - Long and thin like a limo, but just as classy as a group of drunk 15 year old girls screaming out the window of one.
Neville - Not even a car, it's more of a slow gokart without wheels or an engine. It still makes the annoying noise.
Rafael + Fabio - They look the same, they are the same, they drive the same but the stearing wheel is on the left of one and the right of the other. They're fast and better than a gokart but no driver would want to own just one of them, that would defeat the point.
Vidic - A pretty boss car but it shouldn't be driven with a certain Spanish car around, it might suddenly change lane.
Ferdinand - It used to be a good car, then its roof was damaged and now it loses drag races and is easily overtaken.
Evra - It can't even deal with cars that have flat tires. I want awful things to fall in through it's sunroof.
Hargreaves - Very expensive but even when the wheels are repaired they puncture again, the experts can't fix it.
Carrick - When it runs well it has great control and is a very nice drive, most the time it's like driving a car with 3 wheels.
Fletcher - Not a classy car but it is reliable. The driver likes it because of the country on it's number plate but it's a good enough drive.
Giggs - This car doesn't like driving to Wales and has spent a lot of time in it's driver garage. It wins car show awards unjustly. The classiest car in this garage though.
Scholes - The car was good a while ago but the first word of the term 'exhaust pipe' is probably quite relevant.
Nani - A mixture between Aquilani the car, Babel the car and Yossi the car. It was expensive, it turns every now and again but in the end it doesnt like being driven in the slightest and it isnt very good at it.
Berbatov - Expensive, driven often, good at making the big car looking better by driving slightly behind it. Drives very slowly all the time.
Owen - This car basically doesn't have an owner. It has no garage to call it's own and every driver it's had knows it's going to drive off like a twat one day.
Rooney - Big, useful and recently has become a very good drive. It wont be used in any car adverts though.
Which cars are your clubs players like? (I can put this in my journal instead if it shouldn't be on here. It's the best way I could think of to explain our shit season, it doesn't really explain anything though..)
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Date: 2010-03-15 12:59 am (UTC)reliable is not the word i'd use.
Carra, the old and already damaged car should be written off.
bullshit.
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Date: 2010-03-15 01:01 am (UTC)Carra's been shite for over a year now, if he wasn't local and long serving, he'd be on the bench.
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Date: 2010-03-15 12:59 am (UTC)STEVIE HAS FLAT TIRES
HAHAHAHAH
BABEL
omg
choking
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Date: 2010-03-15 01:02 am (UTC)(no subject)
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Date: 2010-03-15 01:26 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-03-15 01:33 am (UTC)"...usually happens around other spanish cars."
ahahahha!
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Date: 2010-03-15 01:45 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-03-15 01:42 am (UTC)rooney- Big, useful and recently has become a very good drive. It wont be used in any car adverts though
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Date: 2010-03-15 01:52 am (UTC)hahahaha
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Date: 2010-03-15 01:55 am (UTC)Since you asked for other club's contributions, I'll have a go despite the fact I know nothing about cars:
-VDS is the old car that still drives really well but you worry when it will finally pack up and need replacing.
-Neville is the old banger that's on its last legs but you still hold onto it for sentimental reasons.
-Vida is the big 4x4 that scares shitless anyone who crosses the road but inside it's nice and cosy.
-Evra is the car that has surprisingly high mileage for a relatively small vehicle.
-O'Shea is the utility car that can be used for anything.
-Giggs is a Mini Cooper, classic car that never lets you down even after all these years.
-Nani is the cheap knock-off pseudo-Ferrari that's a flimsy imitation of the real thing.
-Valencia is the car you bought 2nd-hand which after a tweak or two has turned out of be a real bargain buy.
-Carrick is a Ford Focus or something similar, pretty tidy on the road but no-one really raves about it.
-Berbatov is a very classy sports car but has a high price tag which everyone moans about.
-Rooney is the top of the range car that may look ugly on the outside but performs like a dream.
-And finally, Owen is the damaged car that shows flashes of its former brilliance, but it's only a matter of time before the engine breaks again.
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Date: 2010-03-15 01:59 am (UTC)Slightly nicer about your players than I was..
*dies*
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Date: 2010-03-15 02:32 am (UTC)Gomes- foreign car that came recommended. A few scares early on but now a dependable drive.
King and Woodgate- fantastic trucks but the suspension is shot to shit and hardly ever can get a drive from them. When they are out though, the driver is quite safe.
Dawson- not flashy but a good motor and always fun for a spin.
Bassong- came from a poor former driver so some doubts over reliability but as it turned out, just needed the right upkeep.
Assou-Ekotto- a nice laid back drive. Possibly a Prius or some other type of hybrid, where you can't hear the engine go but you know it's working.
Corluka- dependable but slooow. Good if you don't need to get there in a hurry.
Bale- paid a bit for it and a decent enough drive in the beginning, but somehow the driver would always get lost with it. In the garage for a bit, and someone installed GPS in there too, so it's tearing up and down the highway without getting lost so much.
Lennon- a wonderful car, flashy and dependable, but a magnet for fender benders and tended to get bullied by bigger ones. Out in the garage :-(
Huddlestone- big SUV, and not as fast as other cars, but could get to where it needed to go. Was steadily improving and getting upgrades when it got into an accident and now it's in the shop for who knows how long.
Modric- compact car but surprisingly tough. Handles beautifully. Weaves in and out of traffic like no one's business.
Kranjcar- inexpensive but with the proper care, turned out to be an absolute joy to take out.
Palacios- practically a tank. Scares all the other drivers.
Pavlyuchenko- The driver did not like this ride for a while, even though the passengers kept on asking for it. People thought it might actually have gone to another owner but got taken out for a spin for once and performed well. Now it has to be taken out because the driver always gets where he needs to go with this one.
Crouch- A funny paint job, possibly a robot in disguise.
Defoe- A fast little racer, half the time it gets pulled over by the cops. Well-worth it though.
Keane- Came back from Liverpool beat up, and the engine gave some trouble these last few months so now it's up at some Scottish mechanic.
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Date: 2010-03-15 02:38 am (UTC)Crouch- A funny paint job, possibly a robot in disguise.
hahahaha
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Date: 2010-03-15 03:23 am (UTC)(no subject)
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Date: 2010-03-15 05:48 am (UTC)I loled so hard you have no idea
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Date: 2010-03-15 05:56 am (UTC)hahahaha :)
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Date: 2010-03-15 06:37 am (UTC)AMAZING.
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Date: 2010-03-15 06:49 am (UTC)bravo, very well done!!
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Date: 2010-03-15 07:12 am (UTC)I'll take this job with pleasure.
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Date: 2010-03-15 09:23 am (UTC)m
a
o
this was hilarious - thank you :D
Neville, haha!!
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Date: 2010-03-15 10:35 am (UTC)Hahahaha, best summary of Babel's liverpool career ever.
lmao at Owen's too, this is genius.
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Date: 2010-03-15 12:18 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-03-15 12:34 pm (UTC)haha at ma Vida and Rooney :D Bless.