ontd_football | Exclusive: Perez on the future of Real Madrid

anais-molko.livejournal.com posting in

OMG U GUYS

BREAKING NEWS: It was announced at 9:57pm this evening that Florentino Perez has made another unprecedented coup for Real Madrid. The Real Madrid chairman unleashed yet more superstar signings and announcing his most shocking news yet.

BECKHAM RE-SIGNS FOR REAL MADRID.

It has been two long years since David Beckham left Los Blancos, and deep in his heart, he has always wished to return. Now it appears he has finally gotten his wish to return to the team that made him the superstar he is today, as he was unveiled to the waiting press this evening. having signed a three year deal with Los Merengues. It is rumoured that Real Madrid bought out his LA Galaxy contract for a staggering 46 million euros. He had this to say about his shock return:

"I am honoured and delighted to be back at this wonderful team. I think the boys are fantastic and I love what they're trying to achieve here. I am thrilled to back at the club and I know we are going to do well this season."

The English midfielder also announced he was creating a new line of baby clothes to co-incide with this newest venture.

"I have always wanted to create my own clothing range, and kids, they're our future you know? It will be fantastic for them to wear my new line. Me and Victoria are getting started on a 4th already, so we can put one of our own in these fantastic clothes'.

Perez also announced his second big name signing of the night, with the incredible capture of Fernando Torres for 100 million euros and a rumoured 500,000 euro a week wage packet. It has been alleged, elsewhere in the press, that Ronaldo is said to be furious with the coup, and is seriously reconsidering his future at Real Madrid. As it stands, Ronaldo is not officially a Real Madrid player, and could technically refuse to agree to the personal terms offered, making him a Manchester United player once more. Ronaldo is said to be discussing this with his agent, and seeing how he will proceed with this matter. It is said that he screamed when he found out the news and said:

'100,000,000 euros? No player is worth that amount of money. It is an insult to football and an insult to me. I do not know if I want to join a club that is willing to throw such money around for such substandard players'.

Fernando Torres was unavailable for comment, due to being detained by a hair emergency, but is said to be thrilled at the offer, telling a close personal friend that Real Madrid are a 'fantastic' club, and 'it is a dream to play for them'.

Florentino is also said to be enquiring about the possible sale of Steven Gerrard, the noted English midfielder, to play in a new defensive position. Perez stated earlier,

'Gerrard, he is so versatile, no? He can play in a wide range of roles and he has just what it takes to become a left back for the club. He has shown brilliant defensive manouveres in the past and has superb abilities of convincing referees to award penalties and free kicks. he is exactly the sort of player we need at this club'.

Gerrard is said to be giving serious thought to this magnificent opportunity. He told a source close to this newspaper,

"I do not want to part from my close friend Fernando Torres and this is a brilliant way to stay close to him and discover a new country and league. We have an excellent partnership, and I would love to continue our relationship in Spain."

Alex Curran is also said to be looking forward to the move, as she has always professed to be a fan of spanish coastal resorts such as Malaga and Benidorm, and is looking forward to the shops in Madrid. It has also been confirmed that the classy designer boutique Cricket have also looked into expanding their horizons and are considering opening a boutique in the Spanish capital.

The spanish player Xabi Alonso is said to be devastated at losing his two closest friends at the club. He tearfully confirmed to our reporter,

'Of course I am upset. I have had a special relationship with Stevie G. for some time now, and now you tell me that him and Fernando are moving back to Spain? I am disappointed that he did not want to stay and work at what we have together, I mean, what we have with Liverpool. It will be a sad day if he leaves this club. I am against this move very much.'

In other news, Perez also announced that he has managed to secure the best possible start for Real Madrid this season, liasing with La Liga officials and coming to an incredible agreement. It appears that Florentino has secured an exclusive, one club only deal with the spanish officals, where Real Madrid will start the season +25 points ahead of their rivals, due to their status as official football club of Spain. The club will star in a multi million euro ad campaign for the tourist board, to convince more people to visit the country.

Iker Casillas is said to be spokesman for the campaign and he is thrilled to take on such a role. He gave this exclusive interview to explain his reasons why.

'I am honoured to be spokesman for this new campaign. Long has Spain been overlooked as a tourist destination, and a deal such as this would bring in great revenue for our magnificent counry. We are all thrilled with the news.'

He went on to explain about the circumstances of the deal.

'When Florentino first told us about the deal, some of us had our reservations, especially when they told us we would be posing nude in the advertisements. Some players such as Sergio Ramos were delighted to pose nude, but some of us have less than perfect bodies and are a little shy about displaying ourselves in this way. But when it was explained to us, that we would start the season with 25 extra points, and also be given our own official referee, who will officiate all our matches and see to it that we are given a fair and honest game, we were delighted. '

He also commented on the rumours surrounding the arrival of Fernando Torres.

'I spoke to him this morning about it. He has always been a supporter of our team, but unfortunately he had to go to Atleti, which caused him great trauma. Luckily he overcame his difficulties and became the great player he is today'.

Torres is also said to be very interested in the Real Madrid tourist board advertisements, as he enjoys doing commercial ventures very much.

The Spanish government also ok'd a move that would bring Los Blancos an impressive new stadium. As their new status as the official club of Spain, the magnificent whites have the rights to claim any stadium they wish. Perez is said to be very interested in the Nou Camp, and thinks that 'Mes que un Club' is a motto that would serve well for Real Madrid. The Catalans are said to be reluctant to give up their stadium, but are said to be considering a deal that would give them Valencia's halfbuilt new Mestalla, and players Arjen Robben and Gaby Heinze as an exchange for the inconvienience, as long as Los Merengues were given Dani Alves to compensate for the distressing loss of their best player Heinze. It is the opinion of the author of this piece that this is an excellent deal indeed and Barcelona would be fools not to jump at the chance. It is said that Dani Alves is delighted and would love the deal to be pushed through, so he can join Brazillian team mate Kaka in the world's best squad.

In what has been a truly remarkable day in the ever-changing transfers market this summer, one thing is for certain, Real Madrid are truly a force to be contended with, and are definitely on their way to complete global dominance this summer.

http://www.realmadrid.com/cs/Satellite/en/1202774.html